On May 12, 2014 I had a doctor appointment to check in and see how our little one was doing, especially since it was the day after our due date! May 11th had came and went, and even though I was anxious to meet our little girl, I was okay with that. I think part of me was terrified about labor and the actual process of bringing her to this world, so I think if that meant that I got some extra time by us going past her due date...then I was okay with that. I still don't think that I felt like it was real. I mean...yes I was hugely pregnant and felt disgusting, and could barely walk the last few days...but the fact that holy crap...I am going to be a mum after all of this....THAT hadn't really sunk in yet.
So anyway, back to our appointment. Tim drove me to our appointment, and it went just like any other appointment. They didn't check to see if I was dilated, because they had done that the previous Thursday, and since it was hugely uncomfortable and at that time I was 3 cm Dilated and 70 percent effaced, I didn't feel a need for them to check me again so soon. She felt my stomach and was like, " Wow! You are really ALL baby" oh yes...thanks doc, that is exactly how I am feeling! She said that we should schedule a stress test for 2 weeks out, just in case Harlow decides to hang tight. 2 weeks!?!? You must be joking. If she decided to wait in there for 2 more weeks, I would probably cut her out myself. You think I am kidding...but no...no I am not. But nevertheless, we had to schedule the appointments for 2 weeks out... puke..
Then, after we made the appointments, we were on our merry way! Tim dropped me off at home around 11, and he went to work. I was feeling absolutely exhausted, and was hungry so decided to make myself some peanut butter toast and cut myself up some strawberries. Little did I know that this was going to be my last meal for awhile!
I settled in to watch 16 and pregnant...since um hello? What Else would I be watching on my maternity leave? My stomach started cramping a little bit shortly after I sat down. I was thinking to myself, that it was probably upset from the creamer I had in my coffee earlier that morning. I didn't really pay much attention to it, just kept thinking that my stomach is really upset and gahh I should really avoid dairy.
Around 12, my stomach was still really upset, but decided to call work to clear up some last minute insurance question things. As I was talking to my boss, I was finding it hard to concentrate on some stuff that she was saying, but the pain would come and go, so I still wasn't really thinking much of it. I decided to make Tim some macaroni and cheese so that way when he came home for lunch, he would have something to eat and we could have some lunch together. After I hung up the phone, I went back to the couch with my bowl of macaroni, and took one bite before I was keeled over in pain again. UGH These cramps really better go away. I decided to google If labor feels like severe period cramps. Hey what do you know...they apparently do! I called Tim in tears and told him that my stomach was hurting really bad, and I could neither confirm nor deny that this was labor. He asked if he should come home, but I told him no, because I didn't want him to come home and have it be a false alarm and have it take away from his sick time. Good thing, he knows me, and knows that I am stubborn and decided that he should probably get his ass home! He called the Doula and told her what I was experiencing, and she decided to call me to see how I was doing. When she called I was in tears and the cramps seemed to be increasing and more severe. I told her not to come because It was probably not labor, but based off te pain I was feeling she decided that she should probably head over. I am so glad that both of them went against my advice because by the time Tim got home at 1:00 I couldn't fathom going through those "cramps" which I now realize were contractions by myself. The doula told me to get in the tub, because it could probably help ease the severity of the contractions. Tim drew me a bath, and rubbed my back the entire time. My contractions were about 5 minutes apart at this time. When the doula got there around 2pm she took over rubbing my back while Tim packed up the car. My contractions were about 3 minutes apart by around 3pm, and I was in so much pain that the Doula and Tim decided to take me to the hospital. I was still in denial and convinced that I was going to be sent home for "false labor". I don't know why It wasn't ever "real" to me, but I was convinced that this was not happening.
We loaded up the car, and the doula told us that she would meet us at the hospital. We drove the 10 minutes from our house to Good Samaritan Hospital. We checked in at 3 ish, and they wheeled me upstairs. At this point, I felt like my pelvis was getting hit with a ton of bricks. We got admitted to our labor and delivery room- and it so happened to be the same room we had toured in our birth class! We set up our stuff and since I was in so much pain they immediately hooked me up to the two monitors- and tried to do an IV. I wasn't expecting it to hurt as bad as it did, so I jerked and of course ripped out the IV. They had to calm me down and had to redo it, this time in the crease of my arm- I was a crying mess- it hurt so bad! After the IV was in place, they started discussing different ways/methods to handle the pain of labor. Such as different positions and the option of the water birth (that, before I felt like a MAC truck had hit my pelvis...seemed like such a great option). I was in so much pain however, that I could not even fathom getting off the bed to try and do the labor that we had envisioned. I wanted/needed the epidural!
They called in the Anesthesiologist, and luckily he was already on his way! They had me sign some sort of waiver, and Tim held my hand while they administered yet another needle. Hopefully this would bring some sort of relief. Well long story short, it did...but it didn't work as well as it should have. I still felt so much pain-every contraction felt like I was getting blown to pieces by cement blocks...not a good feeling f you ask me.
I was progressing nicely for the first few hours of labor- and when they finally got the epidural in I felt so much better! The difference was night and day! I could actually sit through the tests and screening and checking of vitals without wanting to rip my hair out! I progressed until 6cm and then stalled for about 8 hours. Lovely. During that time, they were telling me that I needed to get rest and for Tim and the Doula to turn off the TV because I needed to rest. Well hello...kind of hard to rest when they come in every 5 minutes to check my vitals. My mum got there about 11pm. She had flown from California to Portland. Hopped in a rental car and drove down to be there for the birth of Harlow! So amazing. Also my seester Kristine (you know the one from the previous post had basically just gotten home from her tournament and her and her man Cory packed up the car and drove down to also be there. This meant the world to me! They arrived...I think around 11/12pm as well? Its hard to say I was so drugged up and in so much pain that I have a hard time piecing this together. So I tried sleeping to no avail- I was in so much pain that I couldn't...I also could hear this lady screaming down the hall. Terrifying. I am glad I had the epidural even if it wasn't working so well, to take the edge off.
Misery
Cheese
The view from our room
Room 4103- Labor Room
Anyway, they kept coming in and trying new doses of medicine and things because they kept saying..you shouldn't be in this much pain...well thanks...but I am. Also, they kept checking me to see if I had progressed at all. Nothing. During this time, they decided to break my water to try to move things along. This didn't work. I also developed an infection and developed a really high fever. This meant I also had to be on antibiotics, and when Harlow finally came...she also had to have an IV of meds just in case I passed this infection to the baby.
Around 7 am on May 13, they decided to check me again, when I hadn't progressed they decided to start me on Pitocin to see if that could kick my dilation into gear. They decided they would give me some time to hopefully dilate. They checked me again around 10 am. I had dilated to 8cm. I was thinking hooray! Almost there...however, my body stopped responding to the Pitocin- they took me off the Pitocin, and my body had gotten used to it, so then the contractions stopped. The baby went into distress...so the only other option was a C section. I couldn't believe it...after all this...it was ending in a C section after all...the only thing I didn't want. I burst into tears...I have never been into surgery before...I was so scared. Luckily, Tim and the Doula and my mum were so sweet and amazing with it all. Telling me what to expect, and what I would feel (nothing). I am so thankful to have such amazing people in my life!
Doula and Mum...mum Is showing me a picture of my swollen feet...haha
They came in to take me in to surgery and Tim kissed me and told me that he would be there in about 5 minutes and he would be there through the whole thing! As they wheeled me into the Operating Room, I remember I could barely keep my eyes open...I was so exhausted from the previous day and being up all night, having no food at all and just the stress and toll this was taking on my body. They wheeled me into this bright room, and there were just swarms of people...I guess there were a ton of residency students...so about 15 people in the room. As they prepped me and placed the oxygen mask on my face, I just remember thinking about my baby girl that I would meet soon. I couldn't wait...but I was just so scared. Tim and the Doula came in and sat by me and talked to me about anything to keep my mind off of it. I can't remember exactly what they were saying, because I was fading in and out, but I remember singing Pocahontas songs to calm me down. I used to do that when I was a kid when I was nervous about something. For some reason, " Just around the River bend", is soothing. Just me? oooookkkk
So anyway, I didn't feel pain just tugging and tugging and tugging. I wondered when that would end. ( I guess after talking with the Doctor later, she exclaimed that my C-section was one of the hardest she has seen, and Harlow would not come out...hence..the tugging that would not end). After what seemed like an eternity, and about the 6th go around of "Colors of the Wind", I heard them exclaim, " OH mY GOSH, Look at all that hair"! Followed by, " A little girl? boy?" I remember thinking to myself, " If it is a boy after all this so help me God".
And then I heard, " Oh wow this is a big baby".
And then...the sweetest sounds ever...our baby girl crying!!
Harlow Wynter Otte was born at 12:07pm, 8 lbs 7 oz and 20.5" long!
I was so relieved, Tim went over to see her, and get pictures and just burst into tears. He came over to me and told me she was perfect and amazing, and he loved me and her so much! I have never felt so much love in my life, than in that moment. I don't think I could have loved him anymore....until I saw him hold her. I can't describe the feeling, and it is one that I am assuming you will never know until it happens to you. I love him more now than what I ever thought possible. I had no idea I could love someone so much, and feel so incredibly blessed to have him in my life. I love him now more than I ever thought possible, and it just gets stronger every day seeing him with our baby girl.
So anyway, after we got to see her, they had to take her away to do a bunch of tests on her, because of my infection. After that, Tim got to take her out to the waiting room to meet her grandma and her Auntie Kristine and Uncle Coro...and I think Tim's mum was also there at that point. I had to stay and get stitched up...and then wheeled into recovery. I don't remember that at all actually. I don't know how I got from that operating room to my room. It is all a blur.
We love her so much. Our family seems so complete somehow...I feel so blessed that I get to have this amazing man and perfect little one by my side through life. What an amazing feeling, and I don't know how I got so lucky to be chosen to be her mum...but I am so glad I did.
xoxo
